Living a lie, Matthew ‘Mattie’ Alexander is exhausted. It’s not easy to keep up the pretence, the deceit, but it’s safer. Coming out to a world that so easily hates takes a courage he’s yet to find, so he pretends – pretends to be into women – pretends to love being a part of the university’s football team. It keeps him safe, hidden.
Until he meets Julian.
From the moment they first meet, Mattie knows life is about to change. He’s yet to determine if it is for the better or worse. Living life through laughter, Julian is lonely. Without the jokes, the humour, he would be living on the edge of depression. Succumbing to his controlling father’s demands, Julian finds no joy in the path laid out before him.
Until he meets Mattie.
As soon as they cross paths, Mattie has the power to drive Julian’s man parts crazy with lust. But can lust be enough to help Mattie out of the closet, and guide Julian into a happier place?
Limits will be pushed. Rules will be broken. But it’s only together, that they will have the strength to overpower fear, fear of themselves and fear of others. Just how far are they willing to go in the aim of coming out?
Until he meets Julian.
From the moment they first meet, Mattie knows life is about to change. He’s yet to determine if it is for the better or worse. Living life through laughter, Julian is lonely. Without the jokes, the humour, he would be living on the edge of depression. Succumbing to his controlling father’s demands, Julian finds no joy in the path laid out before him.
Until he meets Mattie.
As soon as they cross paths, Mattie has the power to drive Julian’s man parts crazy with lust. But can lust be enough to help Mattie out of the closet, and guide Julian into a happier place?
Limits will be pushed. Rules will be broken. But it’s only together, that they will have the strength to overpower fear, fear of themselves and fear of others. Just how far are they willing to go in the aim of coming out?
I've not read any M/M romance novels. I've read M/F/M, but never M/M and believe me when I tell you this book is the fucking shit.
It's so freaking hot it's unbelievable.
Julian is one of my favourite characters from the Hawks MC series, and in Black out we see a side to Julian that is tortured, pained and so freaking traumatized that it breaks your heart. But no one knows exactly what he went through.
I honestly thought back when he first came into the series it was just his parents not accepting him being gay but it's more than that. My God is it more than that.
I don't want to give too much away, but his father and mother are completely sick in the head. Not only did they not accept Julian, a caring, loyal, wonderful, beautiful, caring man, but they tortured him throughout his whole life. Even at the age of thirty something does his father still control his life, beating him, telling him how to act, where to work.
It's how he meets Mattie. His father makes him a masseur for a local football team where Mattie plays. I think he did it more so the players could make Julian feel like shit, maybe even hit him. It backfired somewhat, even though there were a few players who were complete jackasses about him being gay, there were a few who didn't care. Mattie being one of them because as soon as he looked at Julian he knew, he knew he was the one.
You see, Mattie has been struggling with being gay. He's hidden it well and the only person to ever know how he truly feels is his ex girlfriend who he confided in.
Anyway, Julian has had a pretty shit life and this book really tore me apart. His own flesh and blood sent him to his grandfathers knowing he would be beaten and raped. It's how his father managed to control him for so long, he threatened to send Julian's cousin who is barely a teenager to him. He didn't want that, so he listened to his father.
The sex scenes in the book, the seduction, OH MY GOD, it was off the charts HOT!!!!! No book has ever been this hot and I swear, Mattie and Julian could turn the straightest of men gay with this book. They make everything so erotic, it's sexy as hell.
Overall, because I don't want to give anything away, the book is seriously brilliant and so worth the read. Lila Rose always does this for me, but this book is something else all together. It's different from the other books and to see both Mattie and Julian in different lights was amazing. It really made me think about other couples in their situation and if they've gone through the same thing. I know there are still people out there against gay relationships, but for me, you love who you love and one day I pray that people will get over it and see past two men or two women together and see the love they share for each other. This book is a great example. Mattie's parents, straight off the bat, and the word I'm gay, were so supportive of him. They didn't make a big deal, or get mad, they said okay you like cock, bla bla, and that was it, they just made sure he knew they loved him no matter what. It was so emotional I had to try and stop myself from balling like a baby.
The ending to the story is what really through me the loop. I'm not sure whether I got what was happening right or not, so I will ask Lila when I next speak to her, but let me tell you, either way, it's one hell of an ending for their book. I seriously couldn't stop the tears from falling I was that happy for them.
5* and if I could, I'd give her more than 5 because this book deserves so much praise. It was really good start to finish.
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